An open letter from Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson made an open letter which was not shown to the public as it was originally intended to. Here is that letter: -

This message is to update you all on how I'm holding up under the scurrilous, calumnious and vilipending charges against me. The bad news is that even I'm not sure what I'm saying anymore.
Because of the serious nature of the charges, I hope you understand that my comments will often have to be limited. However, my lawyers and I will do our best to fill the void with anonymous smear tactics, garish goodwill publicity ops, fake paid for fan vigils and blaming the victim.
The accusations against me are lies, all lies. Remember, a lie runs outside and wins the Olympic 100m race, while the truth us upstairs getting a foot massage. And after all, I'm a guy who faked his age in the Jackson 5, pretended to date girls like Brooke Shields and continue to claim that I've had only two minor plastic surgeries on my nose. So, I know a lie when I see one!
Some devilish punchinellos have speculated that these young boys allow me to abuse them because they are dazzled by my superstardom and fame. More media lies, lies, lies!!! Fact is, it's been so long since I've had a hit a record that most of the kids who visit me have no clue about what I ever did for a living.
Have you ever seen the smile on a sick child's face? Have you ever given your heart to goodness? Have you ever worn a feathered harlequin while a bottomless boy dripped candle wax up and down your thighs? Well, in my case it's a "yes" to 1&2 and a "no" to 3.
These charges are so hurtful and wrong. I have always tried to make this a better world for children. Whether through my Neverland Ranch Cancer Treatment Clinic for Hot 9-Year-Olds or through my treacly charity singles that those morons in Bulgaria seem to like, I live to help the children. I've given so much of my personal fortune to children, occasionally by binding settlement. (Yeah, those $20 million really paid of for me, huh?) Every penny I make is for the children. In fact there are rooms in house where I can't afford to have windows. Or doorknobs on the inside.
However, there is no so-called "molestation room" in my home. And even if there were such a room, the entrance would definitely not be located behind the lifesize Pinnochio robot on the second floor. If any police are reading this, doNOT, I repeat doNOT turn his bowtie to the left.
I cannot address specifics in this case. However my accuser says that the man who made inappropriate sexual contact with him was a 45-year-old Afro-Caucasian-Mutant with 3 holes in the nose. EEE hee hee!!! This proves my innocence, as I now have 5 holes in my nose. So it couldn't have been me.
I would like to thank those who have stood by me during this ordeal. Friends in the music industry such as Pete Townshend and R. Kelly. Huge relevant stars like Elizabeth Taylor and Macaulay Culkin. And of course my invisible bear, Rollo.
I believe in the truth. I look forward to answering these succubanios and asturgnical charges in court before a jury of my peers and as soon as you guys find 12 germ phobic elfin freaks with pet giraffes to be that jury, give me a call. Until then, beat it. Just beat it.

I love you all (Allegedly),
Michael Jackson