The League of Rejected Superheroes

What makes a good superhero? Strength? Honour? Bravery? Yep... that about sums it up! But what makes a really bad superhero? Here is my list of really bad and rejected superheroes: -

1. Inebrion (The superhero who can't stay sober)
Derives Power From: Johnny Walker, Chivas Regal and Glenfiddich.
Superpower: Can throw a midget farther than any mortal man.
Faithful Sidekick: None really, though he hangs out occasionally with Allen Iverson after 76er games.
Mortal Enemy: Mormons who knock on his door early sunday morning.
Achilles Heel: Cirrhosis (Go figure if you don't know what it is).
Super Vehicle: Was impounded after he couldn't pay the fines.

2. Scantily Clad Woman
From: The Twelfth Vortex of the Wox Galaxy, during summer, Shelter Island.
Secret Weapon: Decoder Nipple Ring.
Not-so Secret Weapon: The Wonderbra.
Achilles Heel: Very sensitive to jokes about her outie belly button.
Fee: $120 for regular crime fighting, $300 for "full service eradication of evil."
Special Talent: Eating popsicles in slow motion.

3. The Entomologist (The life size bug)
Day Job: Professor of Icky Bug Studies at Megalopolis University.
Superpower: Ultra-slow walking ability.
Origin of Superpower: Being bitten by a tortoise at the zoo (which really pissed him off as he was hoping for some insect connection).
Sport He Finds Boring But Has To Go Along To Fit The Theme: Cricket.
Achilles Heel: Doesn't have one, but it doesn't matter as he never puts himself in harm's way.
Vehicle: Volkswagen Jetta, but he'd much prefer a Beetle because he's really haunted by not having that afore mentioned insect connection.

4. Mediocre Man
From: Queens.
Origin: His father had sex with his mother thus producing a fertilized egg. Then 9 months later.....
Superpower: Ability to see through windows and can guess most answers on Who Wants To Be a Millionare.
Achilles Heel: Tendinitis.
Favourite Useless Football Team: Nauru.
Gained Superpower: By watching TV.

5. Sloggtor of Globbzorr
From: Well, Globbzorr. Duh.
Superpower: Super Savings Coupon Power, via a weekly mailed circular.
Faithful Sidekick: Actually he has none, but he tells people its Robin Williams.
Mortal Enemy: His two-faced, two-timing, shank of a wife's divorce lawyer.
Dark Secret: Often sets to put the clock ahead for daylight saving time.
Catchphrase: "Buy my cereal, kids!"

6. Vocabullon
Profile: Uses his awesome knowledge of words to annoy and bore evildoers into submission.
Main Powers: Perspicacity, erudition.
Vulnerable To: Quotidian obstreperousness.
Nemesis: The Incorrigible Perambulator.
High School Nicknames: Show off, dickweed.
Catch Phrase: Too long and tedious to mention here.

7. Apathenia (The Queen of not giving a damn)
Resides In: So-Whatopolis.
True Identity: Who cares?
Guiding Principle: You're joking right?
Main Superpower: Ability to sigh and roll eyes at the same time.
Catch Phrase: "Yeah, whatever."