My Handy Glossary to the "War on Terror"

You know, I hate George Walker Bush. He's an idiot. Now, many people in the world are really, really, confused about why or what the Iraqi War was for. It's been news for 2 years now, and well, here's my handy glossary to it spanning the 2 years and events surrounding it: -

1. CHEMICAL WEAPONS - Something the Iraqi devils probably used on the US troops in the 1991 war. (However, Pentagon doctors want to remind all veterans reading this that any symptoms of "Gulf War Syndrome" are 100% imaginary.)

2. CYNIC - The Bush administration's term for anybody who'd kind of like to see even one bottle turn up from that massive Iraqi supply of "25,000 litres of anthrax, 38,000 litres of botulinum toxin, and 500 tons of sarin, mustard, and VX nerve agent" George Bush trumpeted in his State of the Union Address.

3. "ANOTHER VIETNAM" - A ridiculous assertion made by the opponents of the war, who don't comprehend the very significant differences between the Middle East and South-East Asia; you can sell a barrel of oil much more than you can sell a barrel of rice.

4. INCREASED CHATTER - Endless background noise that was heard on CNN and FOX and talk radio from thousands of pundits who think that statements like "No blood for oil!" or "I support the troops!" are exceptionally deep statements.

5. EMBEDDED REPORTER - A professional journalist who will report fully, fairly and without bias on the same people he's dependent to keep his ass alive.

6. INTELLIGENCE FAILURE - Calling the war "a crusade," declaring the fighting "over," inviting motivated killers to "bring it on," or whatever boneheaded thing Bush said over the past 2 years and most probably will continue to say till his term ends.

7. COLLATERAL DAMAGE - The offical military explanation as to why there are so many empty seats lately in Umm Qasr's 5th grade classroom.

8. "FREEING THE IRAQI PEOPLE" - White House catch phrase no 3 after "Weapons of Mass Destruction" and "Links to Al-Qaeda" didn't do so well. If this also fails somehow, they might turn to "It's FUN blowing things up!"

9. "BRING IT ON" - Bushy's taunt to America's enemies, apparently meant to intimidate people the sort of people who already blow themselves up with a smile.

10. NATION-BUILDING - Something you sort of have to do after bombing a nation into jillions of teeny pieces, destroying their economy and killing dozens of thousands of them.

11. DEMOCRACY - A hypothetical form of government which is promised to the people of Baghdad and Kabul, and which has already happened in Afghanistan and is happening in Iraq, just that there's this small problems of lots and lots of damage and thousands of militants.

12. BROADBASED INTERNATIONAL COALITION - 139,000 US troops and a guy from Bulgaria.

13. "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" - The White House definition of knocking over a statue.

14. SMALL POCKET OF PROTESTERS - A few billion people around the world.

15. MASS SURRENDER - What the media does at every Bush press conference.

16. PRE-EMPTIVE WARFARE - A brand-new US policy apparently after seeing repeats of some of Mike Tyson's early matches.

17. "HEARTS AND MINDS OF THE IRAQI PEOPLE" - The stuff CNN and FOX don't show you splattered all over the Iraqi rubble.

18. AMERICANS ARE REALLY STUPID - A term referring to 60 million Americans who elected Bush for a second term even after he kills thousand of them, Afghanis and Iraqis. Though they might have been more concerned about their economy at that time than deaths of innocent people. But, it's not their fault, it's their extremely stupid educational system's fault. And they cry wolf after companies outsource their jobs to Indians.

Hope many people will now be enlightened.