When Video Game Designers Go Bad

Video games are supposed to be a fun way to blow off steam and kill some time. Or are they? Behind every happy go lucky game, there’s a twisted, bitter creator who’s one cheat code away from completely snapping. So, enjoy your precious gaming, but be on the lookout of ‘When Video Game Designers Go Bad’:

1. All car chase levels are accompanied by a soundtrack of bluegrass music played on bagpipes.
2. Goes out of his way to work rigorous, carpal tunnel-inducing fight codes into all of his games that are hell on your fingers.
3. When selecting video captures for his ninja combat game, relies less on choreographed martial arts and displays more on bum fights by 90-year olds.
4. For every exciting secret mission you complete there are a dozen mundane errands like picking up dry cleaning and going to the bakery that also have to be run.
5. Spectacular car crashes are drained of all their excitement and fun by “real time wait” for roadside assistance.
6. The game gives you bonus points for smoking and drinking 100 ml of cognac in one go.
7. Peppers entire game with hypnotic, self-serving subliminal messages like “Must mail all cash to Sid. Must mail all cash to Sid.”
8. Gritty, revenge themed storyline is constantly interrupted by chick flick subplots that are impossible to skip like when you’re about to shoot the wife, the character goes “Your auburn locks as they cascade down to frame your intensely beautiful hazel eyes, have inspired me to pen this sonnet!”
9. The level 5 bonus feature on each of his games, a digital photo of his ex-girlfriend peeing.