Coupon Funbooks

If you or parents or grandparents have ever been to Las Vegas, you’ll know about the coupon funbooks given out all over the city, chock full of Vegas stuff like: a FREE Slot-Machine pull, HALF OFF to see Melinda-The Half Naked Magician at the Sahara, etc. So I’ve decided to compile “Coupon Funbooks for places other than Las Vegas!”

Bihar, India Funbook!
1. Present this coupon to your kidnapper and receive a 25% DISCOUNT OFF YOUR RANSOM!
*Not to be combined with other kidnapping offers.

2. FREE Mercedes service to Patna airport if you agree to transport a package through customs!

3. Buy one high level government official, and GET THE 2ND ONE FREE!

Ramallah, Palestinian West Bank Funbook!
1. FREE smiling photo op with this week’s visiting US peace negotiator!

2. HALF OFF YOUR ROOM RATE if an Israeli shell takes half of your room!

3. GOOD FOR ONE(1) Souvenir Rock actually thrown by a Palestinian kid during the Intifada!
*Not valid on rocks caked with blood!

Pyongyang, North Korea Funbook!
1. Complimentary AUTHENTIC NATIVE DIRT Lunch!

2. 10% OFF Regular salon price of a “JONG-IL” haircut! Always look like our beloved, supremely fashionable Leader!
*No appointment required, takes just 3 minutes!

3. ADMIT ONE to the next unannounced test firing of a ballistic missile over either Japan or South Korea. The fireworks…. The civilian panic…. The indignation from the world leaders!
*Offer not valid to employees of the CIA and their families.

Paris, France Funbook!
1. ONE FREE lecture about “American Imperialism” from a surrender prone French person!

2. 10% OFF already inflated price of any substance labelled “Gourmet Food.”

3. Good for ONE feigned Parisian SMILE during your visit
*Good for one smile only. Not transferable. Offer does not guarantee the absence of
muttering.

Riyadh, Saudi Arabia Funbook!
1. TWO FREE SHOW TICKETS to the weekly taping of Saudi Arabia’s hottest reality TV shows! Choose from either "Stoning of the Adulterers" or "Beheading of the thieves in Public Square"* These are not dramatizations! You catch it, you keep it!
*Spectators in first three rows will get wet! Don’t wear clothes you care about.

2. ONE COMPLIMENTARY (and mandatory) burqa for every female visitor and ONE (and only one) COMPLIMENTARY reprieve from beating by religious police for not wearing complimentary (and mandatory) burqa.

3. AN ACTUAL BARREL OF SAUDI CRUDE OIL FOR ONLY*
*Price subject to the whims of the Sheikhs.

Beijing, China Funbook!
1. GOOD FOR ONE healthy vital organ of your choice harvested from a recently executed political prisoner! *
*Does not include spleens. Tissue match not guaranteed. Customer must supply own organ-carrying case.

2. FREE UPGRADE to SEMI PRIVATE quarantine once you suspected of having contracted SARS or Bird flu.

3. FREE tour of state run “SWEATSHOP” where some of your favourite name-brand footwear and clothing is made!

Baghdad, Iraq Funbook! New and Improved, Baghdad, Free Republic of Iraq Funbook!
1. FREE photo with former Saddam “decoy double!” (Or is it?)

2. HALF OFF admission on Saddam’s Grand Royal Palace Tour (over 300 locations to choose from)

3. 10 FREE whacks with your shoe on the toppled Saddam statue of your choice!*
*Not responsible for lost or damaged footwear. Sorry, no sandals.