Eminem's favourite rap

Your crew has got no case, this here is my showcase
Your brain is so slow-paced, you'd look at Barbie's face!
And my tone never changes while I act deranged
But that ain't strange 'cause I've got zero range!
I'm just playing me, but who else could I be?
Can't you see I'm just a MTV refugee?
So I curse and whine, but it's all by design
When your standards decline, then you chumps are all mine!

I act pissed and irate, and it sells real great
You relate to my hate and the rhymes I create!
I rap about strife and my witch-bitch ex wife
But never about your miserable life!
And you think that's unfiar? Well, I don't really care!
I ain't one to share and got no tears to spare!
So you had a lousy childhood too? That sucks!
To hell I've learned what a fortune can do! Big bucks!

Yeah, I'm far above you but make no mistake
The trick is how to cash in on my heartbreak!
Last month my limo was eight minutes late
And they just raised all the taxes on my real estate!
You say, "Slim is just like me, I think we could hang!"
Not when I've got playmates to bang!
So if you don't like that my story's not true,
Just remember, you f***ing loser, who paid to see who?

When Video Game Designers Go Bad

Video games are supposed to be a fun way to blow off steam and kill some time. Or are they? Behind every happy go lucky game, there’s a twisted, bitter creator who’s one cheat code away from completely snapping. So, enjoy your precious gaming, but be on the lookout of ‘When Video Game Designers Go Bad’:

1. All car chase levels are accompanied by a soundtrack of bluegrass music played on bagpipes.
2. Goes out of his way to work rigorous, carpal tunnel-inducing fight codes into all of his games that are hell on your fingers.
3. When selecting video captures for his ninja combat game, relies less on choreographed martial arts and displays more on bum fights by 90-year olds.
4. For every exciting secret mission you complete there are a dozen mundane errands like picking up dry cleaning and going to the bakery that also have to be run.
5. Spectacular car crashes are drained of all their excitement and fun by “real time wait” for roadside assistance.
6. The game gives you bonus points for smoking and drinking 100 ml of cognac in one go.
7. Peppers entire game with hypnotic, self-serving subliminal messages like “Must mail all cash to Sid. Must mail all cash to Sid.”
8. Gritty, revenge themed storyline is constantly interrupted by chick flick subplots that are impossible to skip like when you’re about to shoot the wife, the character goes “Your auburn locks as they cascade down to frame your intensely beautiful hazel eyes, have inspired me to pen this sonnet!”
9. The level 5 bonus feature on each of his games, a digital photo of his ex-girlfriend peeing.

Celebrity Cause of Death Betting Odds

I am a crack oddsmaker who is giving you the latest Vegas line on how one of today's stars will meet his/her demise.

Ashlee Simpson

Cause of Death.....Odds
Exhaustion from trying to prove she's not as dumb as sister Jessica Simpson.....2:1
Slips doing funny onstage dance she always uses to cover up being caught that she's lip synching.....3:1
Slap-fight with Jamie Lynn Spears over schedule mix-up at the "Less Talented Little Sister Studio".....4:1
Commits suicide over shame of:
getting caught lip synching.....43,780,000,000:1
looking like a total idiot on her reality show.....20,458,400,000,000:1
her next CD not climbing to #10 as fast as the first.....5:1

Ashton Kutcher

Cause of death.....Odds
Trips over Demi Moore's walker.....12:1
"Framed" then executed by California governor Arnold Schwarznegger as personal favour to Bruce Willis.....18:1
Vaporized by North Korean atomic bomb in PUNK'D prank gone horribly wrong.....30:1
Starves to death after decent haircut and wardrobe makeover ruin his career.....35:1
Explodes in rage after umpeenth time being mistaken for valet at own film premiere.....40:1

50 Cent

Cause of Death…..Odds
Shock of finally getting good look at stupid thing he wears on his head…..20:1
2010 suicide after being overshadowed by a new rapper, A Dollar…..95:1
Drowns while trying to swim with all his bling-bling on…..250:1
Burst blood vessel in brain from exertion of writing his lyrics…..700:1
Actual injury directly related to public feud with rapper Ja Rule…..9,000,000:1